Virginia Beach portrait and lifestyle photographer specializing in comfortable portraits and candids
It was 2007 and my good friend Riva was such a good sport about silly Bachelorette games. Make a veil out of toilet paper and walk around with it. Ask someone [a total stranger] in Wal-Mart if they’d help you “practice walking down the aisle.” Stand on your chair at dinner and sing, “I’m a Little Tea Pot,” hand motions included. And then there was this game. Put on a white tee shirt and walk around asking people to write down their marriage advice. And when you go to the mall there are all sorts… which makes the marriage advice all over the place. I don’t remember specifics, but some people actually advised her NOT to get married. WHAT?! “Wait until you’re older!” Just crazy stuff.
Chad and I, all in all, got pretty good advice. We sought it out from people we trusted and whose relationships we admired. But there is one piece that is the go-to piece of advice during all engagements. It’s not necessarily bad, but it’s lacking…something! Here it is:
Marriage is hard work. This really isn’t a piece of advice. It is a random statement that is so vague and confusing to me. Before Chad and I got married, I tried so hard to get people to explain what they meant by this, “Marriage is hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Are you sure? Marriage is hard.” People always end there when they are offering their two cents. Here is why marriage is hard: it is a constant, every day, dying to self relationship. From what you’re watching on television, to household chores, to swallowing your pride and admitting that you have problems that lead to problems in your marriage, and then asking for help. This is what they mean by hard. My question was, “Well, dating was hard – what makes marriage SO different?” Dating, you can make self centered choices and it’s totally cool. What will I make myself for dinner? What time will I go to bed? What will I do this weekend. But in marriage, keeping in mind that you are not alone in these decisions anymore is SO important.
Have y’all gotten any marriage advice? Good or bad? I want to hear!