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What is the irreplaceable role you long to play?

In 2009, I sat in a room full of women and contemplated this question. We were reading Captivating together, a book that addresses the desires of women from a deep soul level: the desire to be irreplaceable.

Here was my answer:

Most of the time women are told to bury their desires like this.  We watch the Notebook and LONG to be Ally–to have two guys madly in love with you, to live this beautiful life, to be caught in this “beautiful dilemma.” We find ourselves wanting to make out with this passion charged man who doesn’t care if you’re engaged or not, etc etc…

This kind of desire, I can only imagine, would really wreck a husband inside and out, not to mention how this sin would affect the wife!  But the truth and reality and the NOT so sinful foundation is this longing to be desired and irreplaceable.  Or this desire to be wanted and have a purpose in life.  This may be true for guys too, but particularly for girls, its a romantic thing!  We want to be wanted.  We can only hope that there is something about ourselves that is unique and totally our own.  God has made us his child.  Christ is MY BRIDEGROOM.  We are created and treasured by the One True God and he knows our name!  We have a place in his kingdom.  We have a role in his plan.  And I DO really long to be part of it.

But to address the question on a human relationship level. This might be true to everyone, but I’m glad I can put my own words to it.  I hate to do this, but I’m going to give the synopsis of Braveheart.  So William Wallace’s girl.  I think her name is Lily.  Anyway, they fall in love, she dies, and he holds onto her handkerchief. He then tries to ignite his people with a longing for freedom.  So, he goes to battle and fights for it, freedom that is.  The more he fights and develops his belief in freedom, the more radical he gets and dangerous his mission becomes.  Anyway, he dies fighting for what he believes, all the while holding onto Lily’s handkerchief.  And what I see as my role is to be that handkerchief.

I want to be held onto, and not be the REASON for the fighting, but to be held THROUGH the fight.  I want to be number two, only to something greater than me.  Of course, all the while in a great adventure of my own with God–with Christ.  I want to be that side story in the ultimate story.  Yes I want to be pursued, and want to be loved, etc, but OH! to be held so close to someone that I am soaked in the sweat of a servant along with the blood of a Savior…  I do know that this isn’t as easy as just being “held.”  Its not as easy as my bold and blanket statements seem.  I’m going to not “feel” like it, or not want to, or say something rude–its not all smiles and laughter.  But over all, to my husband, that is what I want to be.

I emailed that to Chad a few days later and we talked about it. To this day, we still talk about it. We both see it as a defining point in out relationship, even thought it was just a question in a women’s bible study. What is your irreplaceable role?